


By your side

by David3090



Category: Andi Mack (TV)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-30
Updated: 2018-08-30
Packaged: 2019-07-04 12:28:45
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 614
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15841317
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/David3090/pseuds/David3090
Summary: "And I will not knock on your door, nor will I greet you with the nickname that I thought you considered more than important, nor will I leave this letter in your hands, with the stupid hope that this simple and unimportant words can change something of what you do not feel for me."TJ writes Cyrus a letter.





	By your side

_I do not even know where to start. There are so many things that I would like to tell you, so many things that I have in my head for so long that now, my words seem irrelevant._

_Sometimes I would like life to be simpler or have a better ability to communicate, that from time to time things would turn out well for me, you know? But right now none of that matters._

_As none of the words I have planned to tell you for more than two years really matter. Every time I think of you, every time I'm with you, those damn words come, they torture me, they remind me of just what I want to forget._

_Nor all those images, fantasies of the two of us that I had in my head matter anymore. The things we could do together, the things we would decide not to do together, the life not lived and not shared with you._

_And it does not matter because you never hugged me with the same feeling I expected, nor did I lose my breath every time you looked at me._

_We never danced, nor did you take me to meet your parents, we did not have dinner with them, and they did not like me._

_We did not travel together on the weekend to camp, nor spend the boring afternoons lying on your bed, listening to music, watching some boring series._

_That is not the life you chose for me._

_But now it does not matter. Nor is it something that should worry you._

_I will not go crazy, I will stop thinking about you and I will not sleep with you._

_But I’m still your friend. Things will be as always._

_You will send me more than five messages to wake me up and we will see each other for breakfast every morning. We will talk about all those things that do not matter and I will buy you the last chocolate muffin just to see the expression of happiness on your face and for a brief moment in the history of humanity I will imagine that there is a possibility that you will see me one day as I see you. That someday I will be everything to you._

_But I know, deep down, that that option does not exist for me._

_And although with the days it becomes easier and easier to assimilate, it is still difficult not to think that I never had the opportunity to kiss you on every possible occasion. That I will never be your boyfriend, nor will I be your husband, nor will we have children. We will not make a life that fifty years from now you will love to recap over and over again._

_Because that's the life you did not choose for me. And it's the life that I did not fight to get, to have at least a chance of being by your side._

_That is the life you chose for Jonah. That is the life that Jonah fought without fatigue to get._

_And I will not knock on your door, nor will I greet you with the nickname that I thought you considered more than important, nor will I leave this letter in your hands, with the stupid hope that this simple and unimportant words can change something of what you do not feel for me._

_I will not do it._

_But, damn it, I love you._

_I just needed to tell you. Even though you will never know._

_........._

And, in the moment TJ broke the letter into pieces and threw it into the fire, he finally allowed himself to cry.

**Author's Note:**

> Two drabbles in one day cause it’s my birthday and I’m a really sad person, so I needed to write something like this. And I’m so mad it wasn’t sadder.  
> Thanks for reading :)


End file.
